The Midlife Woman » humor

Older Than Dirt Quiz | Midlife Nostalgia Makes You Smile

Kathleen — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 00:12:41 +0000

This was sent to me via email from an 85-year-old woman. It is amazing to me how she uses a computer and email. Can you even wrap your head around the technology advancements this woman has experienced? The iPhone, iPad, Cable Television, or Google News was nonexistent. For that matter, even computers were a science fiction sort of thing. OMG!

Entertainment

We didn’t have a television in our house until I was 16. – - It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at midnight, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God; it came back on the air at about 6 a.m. and there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people.

Communication

I never had a telephone in my room. – - The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn’t know weren’t already using the line.

News and Media

All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers – It cost 7 cents a paper, and they got to keep 2 cents. They had to get up at 6AM every morning. On Saturday, they had to collect the 42 cents from their customers. Their favorite customers were the ones who gave them 50 cents and told them to keep the change. Their least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.

If you grew up in a generation before there were any of these technologies, you may want to share some of those memories with your children or grandchildren. Please just don’ t blame me if they bust a gut laughing!

Older Than Dirt Quiz

Count all the items that you remember not the ones you were told, and then check the ratings at the bottom.

1. Blackjack chewing gum

2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water

3. Candy cigarettes

4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles

5. Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes

6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers

7. Party lines on the telephone

8. Newsreels before the movie

9. P.F. Flyers

10. Butch wax

11. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning (there were only 3 channels, that is if you were fortunate )

12. Peashooters

13. Howdy Doody

14. 45 RPM records

15. S & H Green Stamps

16. Hi-fi ‘ s

17. Metal ice trays with lever

18. Mimeograph paper

19. Blue flashbulb

20. Packards

21. Roller skate keys

22.Corkpopguns

23. Drive-ins

24. Studebakers

25. Wash tub wringers

If you remembered 0-5 = You are still young

If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older

If you remembered 11-15 = Don ‘ t tell your age

If you remembered 16-25 = You are older than dirt!

I’m not older than dirt yet however I’m not telling my age. Are you smiling yet? How did you rate on the quiz, do tell!

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Kathleen

Hey, there I'm Kathleen. My friends call me Kathy; to my kids I'm Momia. Life has afforded me many hats: Mom, wife, sister, friend, business owner... and most recently a midlife blogger. From college to marriage and babies, in the midst of business and wealthy boomers, midlife retrospection validates this extraordinary journey called life.

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Puppies or Babies | An Epic Battle of Cuteness

Kathleen — Wed, 02 Nov 2011 13:21:19 +0000

This post brought to you by Puppies vs. Babies. All opinions are 100% mine.

Animal Planet is ready to rumble… Puppies versus Babies! Oh my gosh this is too funny. Reminds me of the America’s Funniest Home Video TV show our family used to enjoy so much. That’s why I agreed to sponsor this post. Fond recollections of family time are priceless and need to be emphasized. The lead in for this TV show is brilliant, both species of offspring seem to instantly create a warm, fuzzy feeling. Aaawww look how cute, you have heard it said and probably said something similar as well. It is a natural reaction for baby lovers regardless of the species.

Puppies versus Babies airs Oct 29^th and continues through November. In this epic battle of cute, only one can emerge victorious… puppies or babies and kittens too! The promo video exclaims, “Get ready for the ultimate clash of cute!” Check out the Puppies vs. Babies online contest , upload your favorite image slideshow, or vote for your favorites. The top baby and puppy will win $5000 each and go head to head for the Cute Championship. All of the puppies and babies are incredibly cute and funny. Based on my viewing time there, this is one tough competition for cute.

My son Red rescued a puppy in Tampa Florida. He wasn’t denied food or water, just love, comfort, safety, and attention. An irresponsible mother allowed her young daughter to adopt the puppy. The young girl left him in a kennel in the noisy city back yard alone and frightened for an indefinite period… He may have been there for days, weeks, or more. Red could not walk away and took the puppy home. Hearing this story and later meeting Connor, I knew why my son just couldn’t resist. Connor is lovable, gentle, and darn cute too!

Now that Red is back in college, can you guess where the puppy lives? Yep, you guessed it, with Memaw and Grandpa, of course.

I have to admit, puppies are much easier to handle than babies are especially for a midlife woman like me. Perhaps the absence of grandchildren has caused a foregone conclusion… I’m voting puppies!

What’s your choice in the Puppies vs. Babies battle?

Kathleen

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Allergy or Zombie Virus?

guest post — Sun, 28 Aug 2011 06:30:33 +0000

Sometimes it’s hard to tell whether you have plain old allergies or something more sinister like, say, a zombie virus. We’re here to help! It’s important to know if you’re in danger of spreading an apocalyptic virus to your loved ones, coworkers or laundry guy, so here’s how you can tell the difference between allergy symptoms (even severe ones) and a full-fledged zombie virus.

A rash can accompany both an allergic reaction and a zombie virus. Mild allergy rashes may itch. Zombie rashes are not so much raised and itchy as they are cavernous oozing wounds that seep gore. If you ask your spouse to look at your rash and he or she gasps in horror and slowly backs away, chances are that you have a zombie virus. If your spouse has this reaction to a regular allergy rash, tell them cowboy up, get the cortizone and call the advice nurse. Honestly, this is marriage. They’ll see worse.

You may think that your itchy, watery eyes are just high mold counts in the air driving your allergies bonkers, but if your eyes also have large, sunken red or black rings around them that make you look like you’re going to call back auditions for a “Thriller” video remake, don’t think allergy, think zombie (if you can think of anything other than brains).

Congestion is another shared symptom of allergies and pending undead activity. If your congestion is beyond anything you’ve ever experienced in life, you might be nearly dead or undead. If you don’t feel in any way compelled to control the variety of fluids your body is emitting, you’re a zombie. Put away the decongestant and embrace your new life style (or is it death style? whatever).

With allergies, you may experience a degree of swelling that can make it hard to breath or swallow. These should be watched closely and treated by a professional as needed. When you are a zombie, breathing is optional and swallowing is a courtesy you indulge when you want your victims to feel that their arm isn’t going to waste. Just because there’s an apocalypse on, it doesn’t mean you completely disregard basic manners.

More severe symptoms of allergies often include abdominal pain, cramps, vomiting, diarrhea and confusion or dizziness. These are also zombie virus symptoms in the final stages of transformation, so it’s really hard to tell the difference. But as you start to crave human brains, a zombie virus will reveal itself. If you don’t find yourself craving brains, human flesh, or having lost basic speech, you should seek medical attention for these more severe symptoms.

So, as you can see, telling the difference between a zombie virus and garden variety allergies takes attention to important details and self-awareness about cravings. If you are experiencing allergy symptoms, our treatments can help. If you’re a zombie, please contact local law enforcement (if you still have the dexterity to dial a phone) and turn yourself in to the authorities.

Jacob Maslow is a blogger for a company that sells allergy control products such as allergy bedding and air purifiers.

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