Posts Tagged ‘ jokes ’

Hollywood Make Up Enhancement – A Midlife Funny

Obviously an inspiration for the Hell Raiser movies, the 1935 newspaper article reads in part, “The device, remotely resembling a baseball mask, fits over the head and face with flexible metal strips which conform closely to the various features. The strips are held in place by set screws, allowing for 325 possible adjustments. If, for instance, the subject’s nose is slightly crooked – so slightly, in fact, that it escapes ordinary observational – the flaw is promptly detected by the instrument and corrective makeup is applied by an experienced operator.” Perhaps these beauty micrometers are the answer to midlife make up issues, just saying. Recommend on Facebook Share on FriendFeed Buzz it up Share on Linkedin share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Share on technorati Tweet about it Buzz it up Subscribe to the comments on this post Tell a friend KathleenHey, there I'm Kathleen. My friends call me Kathy; to my kids I'm Momia. Life has afforded me...

Hormones - Produced by one tissue and conveyed by the bloodstream to another to effect physiological activity, such as growth or metabolism. Diminishing Estrogen levels result in awful symptoms for midlife women. A laugh or two concerning menopause might just make it easier, at least for just a moment. Happy Friday! A study conducted by UCLA’s Department of Psychiatry … …has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For example, if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features. However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire. No further studies are expected. Submitted by Paul, Oklahoma City, OK **I think Paul gets the whole menopause thing. This just to goes to show you women...

“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” Lucille Ball “Gray hair is God’s graffiti.” Bill Cosby “Middle Age is when your age starts to show around your middle.” Bob Hope “Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” Jack Benny “I’ve only got one wrinkle and I’m sitting on it.” Jeanne Calment “As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don’t.” Carrie Fisher “Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.” Robert Frost “This is a youth-oriented society, and the joke is on them because youth is a disease from which we all recover.” Dorothy Fuldheim Looks like all those murad resurgence reviews about top wrinkle creams were true! Have a great weekend! photo credits: www.last.fm Recommend on Facebook Share on FriendFeed Buzz it...

Two kangaroos were talking to each other, and one said, “Gee, I hope it doesn’t rain today, I hate it when the children play inside.” ———— Q: What is the Kodiak bears favorite dessert? A: ESKIMO PIE. ————- First snake: I hope I’m not poisonous. Second snake: Why? First snake: Because I just bit my lip! ————– Two ROBINS were lying on their backs, BASKING in the sun. A mama cat and her kitten were walking by. The kitten complained, “Mama, I’m sooo hungry, what can we eat?” To which the mama cat, spying the two robins, replied, “How about some Baskin Robbins?” My Favorite Animal Family Funny Friday….. A mama mole, a papa mole, and a baby mole all live in a little hole. One day the papa mole sticks his head out of the hole, sniffs the air and says, “Yum! I smell French toast!” The mama mole sticks her head out of the hole,...

The Ashes A guy goes to a woman’s house for the first time, andshe shows him into the living room. The woman excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks. As he’s standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he’s looking at it, the woman walks back in. He says “What’s this?” She says, “Oh, my father’s ashes are in there.” He goes, “Geez…oooh….I…” She says, in a cheerful voice “Yeah, he’s too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray when smoking his cigar.” The Announcement An unmarried woman who worked in a busy office arrived one morning and began passing out big cigars and candy, both tied with blue ribbons. When asked what the occasion was, she proudly displayed a new diamond solitaire ring on her third finger, left hand, and announced… “It’s a boy, six feet tall and...

At our company, we have asset numbers on the front of everything. They give the location, name, and everything else just by using the computer’s asset barcode scanner or using the number beneath the bars. Customer: “Hello. I can’t get on the network.” Tech Support: “Ok. Just read me your asset number so we can open an outage.” Customer: “What is that?” Tech Support: “That little barcode on the front of your computer.” Customer: “Ok. Big bar, little bar, big bar, big bar.. . “ Recommend on Facebook Share on FriendFeed Buzz it up Share on Linkedin share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Share on technorati Tweet about it Buzz it up Subscribe to the comments on this post Tell a friend KathleenHey, there I'm Kathleen. My friends call me Kathy; to my kids I'm Momia. Life has afforded me many hats: Mom, wife, sister, friend, business owner... and most recently a midlife blogger. From college to marriage and...

“I’m prescribing these pills for you,” said the doctor to the overweight patient, who tipped the scales at about three hundred pounds. It is imperative that you follow the instructions as written, six times per day. “I don’t want you to swallow them. Just spill the diet pills on the floor six times a day and pick them up, one at a time….” How is that for some new and improved diet pill reviews HA! Recommend on Facebook Share on FriendFeed Buzz it up Share on Linkedin share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Share on technorati Tweet about it Buzz it up Subscribe to the comments on this post Tell a friend KathleenHey, there I'm Kathleen. My friends call me Kathy; to my kids I'm Momia. Life has afforded me many hats: Mom, wife, sister, friend, business owner... and most recently a midlife blogger. From college to marriage and babies, in the midst of business and wealthy boomers, midlife...

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The Midlife Woman

Posts Tagged ‘ jokes ’

Hollywood Make Up Enhancement – A Midlife Funny

Funny Friday | Midlife Menopause

Funny Friday | Middle Age Wrinkles

Funny Friday – Wild Family Funnies

Funny Friday – Women and Cigars

Funny Friday – Tech Support

Funny Friday: Diet Pills

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