The Midlife Woman » jokes

Hollywood Make Up Enhancement – A Midlife Funny

Kathleen — Thu, 09 Jun 2011 15:13:54 +0000

Obviously an inspiration for the Hell Raiser movies, the 1935 newspaper article reads in part, “The device, remotely resembling a baseball mask, fits over the head and face with flexible metal strips which conform closely to the various features. The strips are held in place by set screws, allowing for 325 possible adjustments. If, for instance, the subject’s nose is slightly crooked – so slightly, in fact, that it escapes ordinary observational – the flaw is promptly detected by the instrument and corrective makeup is applied by an experienced operator.”

Midlife Make Up Enhancer

Perhaps these beauty micrometers are the answer to midlife make up issues, just saying.

Kathleen

Hey, there I'm Kathleen. My friends call me Kathy; to my kids I'm Momia. Life has afforded me many hats: Mom, wife, sister, friend, business owner... and most recently a midlife blogger. From college to marriage and babies, in the midst of business and wealthy boomers, midlife retrospection validates this extraordinary journey called life.

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Funny Friday | Midlife Menopause

Kathleen — Fri, 27 May 2011 12:55:34 +0000

Hormones - Produced by one tissue and conveyed by the bloodstream to another to effect physiological activity, such as growth or metabolism. Diminishing Estrogen levels result in awful symptoms for midlife women. A laugh or two concerning menopause might just make it easier, at least for just a moment. Happy Friday!

A study conducted by UCLA’s Department of Psychiatry …

…has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example, if she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected.

Submitted by Paul, Oklahoma City, OK

**I think Paul gets the whole menopause thing. This just to goes to show you women can fix anything with duct tape too!

Ways to Know If You Have “Estrogen Issues”

Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
You’re adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
You’re using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: “How’s my driving-call 1- 800-”.
Everyone’s head looks like an invitation to batting practice!
Everyone seems to have just landed here from “outer space”.
You’re sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.

Submitted by Donna, Emmitsburg, Md. at emmitsburg.net

We should get some kind of big award for surviving the wrath of marriage, motherhood, and menopause don’t you think?

**Hugs**

Kathy

Kathleen

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Funny Friday | Middle Age Wrinkles

Kathleen — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 14:33:51 +0000

Lucille Ball

“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” Lucille Ball

“Gray hair is God’s graffiti.” Bill Cosby

“Middle Age is when your age starts to show around your middle.” Bob Hope

“Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” Jack Benny

Jeanne Calment

“I’ve only got one wrinkle and I’m sitting on it.” Jeanne Calment

“As you get older, the pickings get slimmer, but the people don’t.” Carrie Fisher

“Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.” Robert Frost

“This is a youth-oriented society, and the joke is on them because youth is a disease from which we all recover.” Dorothy Fuldheim

Looks like all those murad resurgence reviews about top wrinkle creams were true!

Have a great weekend!

photo credits: www.last.fm

Kathleen

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