Posts Tagged ‘ jokes ’

Funny Friday – Womanly One Liners

What do you call a woman who has PMS and owns a GPS ? One biatch who will find you! As a single woman, I often think about my future husband and how lax he’s been about getting in touch with me. The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him. Recommend on Facebook Share on FriendFeed Buzz it up Share on Linkedin share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Share on technorati Tweet about it Buzz it up Subscribe to the comments on this post Tell a friend KathleenHey, there I'm Kathleen. My friends call me Kathy; to my kids I'm Momia. Life has afforded me many hats: Mom, wife, sister, friend, business owner... and most recently a midlife blogger. From college to marriage and babies, in the midst of business and wealthy boomers, midlife retrospection validates this extraordinary journey called life.Website - Twitter - More Posts

“Did you know you could be carrying up to 10 extra pounds of unreleased crap in your bowels? It is true, the average American is caring several pounds of unreleased waste in there bowels.” ColonBlow.com To support this fact, ColonBlow.com offers poop pictures and producer testimonies posted for your viewing pleasure. And get this; they boast an “As Seen On TV” label on the site too! ROFLMAO Seriously, colon cleansing is supposed to date back to ancient Greece. Cleansing the intestines first became popular in the United Sates around 1920. When the theories behind the process lost support, the practice fell away. There is not enough legitimate, conclusive research to say either way whether colon cleansing is beneficial or an overstated myth. Recommend on Facebook Share on FriendFeed Buzz it up Share on Linkedin share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Share on technorati Tweet about it Buzz it up Subscribe to the comments on this post Tell a friend...

The woman was so cheap . . . When someone rang her doorbell, her kids had to yell, ding dong! Never knock on Death’s door; ring the doorbell and run… he hates that And the #1 Funny Friday doorbell joke…. A woman had been married so many times she was totally fed up. You see all the men she married either ran away, physically abused her, or the men were terrible in bed. The woman was wealthy and lonely so she posted an ad outlining her requirements. What she wanted was a man who: 1) must not run away. 2) must not beat her up. 3) must be good in bed. For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was chiming constantly, she received tons of mail, etc., all to no avail. None of the men seemed to meet her qualifications. Then one day she heard the door chimes again and upon opening the door, she...

A woman goes to a doctor to discuss her husband’s infertility problem. The doctor says, “Just give your husband these Viagra pills in his next meal, and stand back.” The woman goes home and hands the pills to her cook who was preparing dinner for a dinner party later that night. The woman says to the cook, “Just put two of these in my husband’s dinner tonight.” As the woman walks out of the kitchen the cook thinks, “Sure, like I got nothing better to do,” and she throws the whole bunch into the soup. As the guests were sitting down to dinner, the cook comes out of the kitchen and advises the lady of the house that she must speak to her in that there is a big problem in the kitchen. The lady of the house follows the cook into the kitchen and demands to know what is going on. The cook admits to throwing all the...

Audrey Meadows & Jackie Gleason – The Honeymooners Alice: Boy, you men kill me; you’re all alike. You want us women to bow and scrape at your feet. You men just think that you own this world. Ralph: Yeah, but you women get revenge. You marry us! eBaum’s World A man had a hemorrhoid and badly needed cream. He would be so embarrassed to go and buy the best hemorrhoid treatment cream at his local pharmacy for obvious reasons. What should he do to get the cream without stealing, buying it at the register, and not be embarrassed? He should buy the cream along with a box of tampons! He is not embarrassed, and he looks like a wonderful husband. Lucille Ball – I Love Lucy “Oh Ethel did you ever wish there was something else to marry besides men?” Rodney Dangerfield “I’m sitting on top of the world, and I’ve got hemorrhoids.” My wife made me join a...

BUTT (but) n Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes “look bigger.” Male: What you slap when someone’s scored a touchdown, home run, or goal. Also good for mooning. Recommend on Facebook Share on FriendFeed Buzz it up Share on Linkedin share via Reddit Share with Stumblers Share on technorati Tweet about it Buzz it up Subscribe to the comments on this post Tell a friend KathleenHey, there I'm Kathleen. My friends call me Kathy; to my kids I'm Momia. Life has afforded me many hats: Mom, wife, sister, friend, business owner... and most recently a midlife blogger. From college to marriage and babies, in the midst of business and wealthy boomers, midlife retrospection validates this extraordinary journey called life.Website - Twitter - More Posts

What better a way to honor Dad this Father’s Day than with a bit of humor! To be a successful father, there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years. – Ernest Hemingway A little child in church for the first time watched as the ushers passed the offering plates. When they neared the pew where he sat, the youngster piped up so that everyone could hear: “Don’t pay for me Daddy, I’m under five.” Daddy, daddy, can I have another glass of water? But I’ve already given you ten! I know, but the bedroom is still on fire! The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present. “Who is the most obedient?” he asked. “Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?” Five small voices answered in unison. “Okay, dad,...

Page 2 of 5«123 4 5 »

The Midlife Woman

Posts Tagged ‘ jokes ’

Funny Friday – Womanly One Liners

Funny Friday – Unreleased Crap Oh No

Funny Friday – Doorbells

Funny Friday – Getting Older

Funny Friday – About Husbands

Funny Friday – Butt Definition

Funny Friday – Salute Dad

Midlife Marketplace

Sponsors & Friends

Blog Networks

Archives

Free Blog Promotion